your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
