OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Someone signed my nipple.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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