he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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