Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
