If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she smelled like a LAN party
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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