You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
