Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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