Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
