before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
