smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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