That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
