so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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