So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
