Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
