I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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