Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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