You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
