Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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