i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
