Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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