I need to stop coming to work sober
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
