U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
