I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
