i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
