I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Your penis caused this!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
