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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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