wat bout pragnant strippers??
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize