worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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