I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
im on a boat
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