He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
