I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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