Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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