you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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