Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
