dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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