I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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