That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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