He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
