brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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