I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
