my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
