The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
