I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
