Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
