Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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