I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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