You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
