Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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