Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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