That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
