i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
