My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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