So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
