Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
