I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize