Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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