those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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