I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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