I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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