So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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