Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Bring me that man meat
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
