someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
