My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
